Snoqualmie

See, this is what I learn!
Here I'm thinking vegans don't get to eat donuts!

Dianna, you are ever-enlightening me with you animal-lovin, but also food-lovin ways. I've said it before, you're my favorite vegan.

And also, I agree that leather seats on an airplane is a sickeningly unecessary and excessive concept. I, too, hope that guy comes back as a Jersey cow.

donut.

not since holohan has there been a donut obsession of this magnitude.

21
15 not counting the mezzanine(aka the title of the entry)

Gene, you have my undying and unstinting adoration for that comment.

Kati, please keep in mind that I am not a representative sample of the world's health-conscious vegan population. I reflect the vegan version of the least nutritionally-balanced lifestyle known to humankind, and it's quite possible that more conventional vegans would be offended by the suggestion of donuts and would smack the suggester upside the head with a plate of healthy curried lentils and mixed greens. This is dangerous because some vitamins may accidentally be ingested that way. Please be careful.

Also, I wasn't aware there was a Holohan donut fixation. Please do elaborate.

Gene, I'll give you bonus points if you used "grep" and "wc -l" to arrive at that figure.

"Donut, good job, Dianna, donut"! You can't buy cuteness like that.

If you define cuteness as obsessive immaturity, which it frequently seems that you do, then you most certainly can buy cuteness like that. Try it sometime. Walk in the door and hand me a cookie and you'll see more of it than you ever wanted.

Sadly I didn't do use grep or wc, I was locked into a windows environment and had to settle for ultraedit. Your comment has however inspired me to consider that this might be an index of the utility of an operating system. The ease with which one can do an arbitrary calculation like "How many times does the word donut show up in this text string, now how many times does it show up not counting the first line?" I'm thinkg grep, wc and head. Or maybe even grep, wc, something that numbers lines in a textfile, grep again with a -V on "line 1". Ok I'm done.

Donut.

Also, Matt and Donuts

Jacob,

w007 to the $> grep donut DiannasDonutPost.post | wc -l

'sall i got.

Goddamn it, you guys. One, you're talking impenetrable geekese. Two, you're sidetracking the conversation away from my plight. And three, you keep saying that word. Now I'm bewildered, petulant, and hungry all at once.

DSTRDINA.BAS
10 PRINT "How do make Dianna bewildered, petulant, and hungry"
20 PRINT "Donut"
30 GOTO 10

(in heavy Spanish accent) Hyou keep using that hword. I do not think it means hwhat you think it means.

Yes, my donut fixation goes way the fuck back. Thanks, Gene, for linking to the search page. Even I didn't realize how many times I've blogged about them. I was aware of at least four strips about donuts and donut-related products (though one recent cartoon donut has been mistaken for a cookie).

I also founded the Orkut "Donuts" group, and wrote two Squelch articles about donuts: Donuts are Better than Shoes and Dozen Doesn't Do It. The former is slightly sexist and the latter is slightly racist, but both are undeniably saturated with donuts.

In conclusion, Dianna, if you haven't embarked on your donut binge yet, please include me. I'll show you how it's done.

Open mouth, insert donut, chew, swallow, repeat ad nauseum. Isn't that how it's done?

If you're interested in nothing more than the biochemical effects of a heavy dose of sugar and fat, then yes, that's all you need. If, however, you're interested in experiencing the flavor explosion that only donuts can provide, I can help you. We must find out which donuts match your mood and personality. I'll show you how you can wake up your tastebuds with a plain cake or a glazed old fashioned before moving on to the more serious flavorings. I also know all the best places to shop. Trust me. I'm a professional.

Ah, but you fail to take into consideration my specific requirements for this experience. To my knowledge there is only one place for me to shop for my donut needs (well, okay, two, if you count both retail and wholesale shopping). My donuts, like fine imported cheeses (but so very much unlike fine imported cheeses), must be ordered from far-flung lands and transported over the intervening miles to be delivered into my hands.

Mind you, the day King Pin Donuts starts making vegan pastries I'll dance in the streets to celebrate.

For the record, Dianna, I just ate the last of the Chocolate Marble Swirl mail-order vegan donuts you sent me. This afternoon. Did I eat six donuts in less than a week? My god, and have you seen the fat and sugar content on these things? And then, at the instigation of my DH, I had a scoop of Dulce No Leche Soy Cream in my coffee this evening. Anyone who says a vegan diet has to be healthy, I'll hit 'em with my big meaty paws. And then probably barf.

My god, I miss King Pin.

You should go and hold them up for a sixty cent cake donut!

I was just trying to remember what happened with that incident! Car full of stoned people? Including a 17-year-old, so on top of everything the driver got charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor....over a 60 cent cake donut? And the next day King Pin was closed and had nooo donuts at all?

they're 80 cents now, alas.

you know, i've never had a vegan donut, but i've always enjoyed vegan pastries. i'm intrigued. where did you order your animal-friendly donuts from?

80 cents?! This is coming perilously close to violating the second principle of donuts.

The vegan donuts come from veganessentials.com (I can't link to the donut page directly because of the way the site works). They're definitely members of the packaged-dessert family: greasy cake-like donut masses with gobs of gooey icing rather than hot fresh fluffy puffs. In the greasy cake-like donut category, they rank pretty highly.

Do tell where you've previously had enjoyable vegan pastries, by the way. I'm always interested in new sources.

The Cal Student Store used to have these really good vegan chocolate chip cookies. This was in like 2001 when I was a senior. I don't eat vegan pastries regularly but when I encounter them (like at parties and animal rights bake sales and such things) I tend to enjoy them. Not so much vegan sausage.

Oh! The ones by the Alternative Baking Company? I love those things. The Mac the Chip cookie is my favorite, although the banana pecan one is also stupendous.

Sausage is really hit or miss, though. I'm not sure why; you'd think that "make it salty and greasy and make it go sizzle when you cook it" would be pretty straightforward.

Have you HAD the lemon poppyseed cookies?!

Sorry for the double etiquette breach of all-caps and multiple-punctuation, but restrained language was insufficient to describe those fucking cookies.

as long as we're tapping people's vegan knowledge, i've never been able to find fake cheese that does anything except melt into granular ickiness in my mouth. i think if i could find good vegan cheese, i might be able to bring myself that much closer to being vegansian.

Isn't that always the problem? Cheese is apparently irreproducible in the vegetable kingdom.

That said, Follow Your Heart (aka Vegan Gourmet) makes a pretty decent mozzarella. I haven't tried the rest of their varieties yet, but I'll let you know. And the Wildwood soy cheeses are tasty, but, see, they're not actually vegan. They cheated and put casein in them. If you're just going for close, though, who's counting?

The Follow Your Heart mozzarella and jack are basically identical and are okay - I wouldn't eat slices of it or anything, but they're pretty good on a sandwich or in things. The "cheddar," on the other hand, not to mention the "nacho cheddar," is altogether "disgusting."

Best fake cheese ever= crumble 1 lb tofu into skillet; add some herbs if you want; add 1 tub Tofutti Better Than Cream Cheese, 1 or 2 tbsp lemon juice, a pinch of nutmeg and 1/4 cup nutritional yeast, and stir around until Tofutti is all melted. Makes the best vegan lasagna in the history of everything, and is really good and goopy with a spoon, right out of the pan. Dianna can vouch for this.

wow! that sounds delicious... i'll probably follow my laziness and try out the store brands first, but you never know, i might go crazy one day and actually make something all on my own. it is sad that they can't make cheddar... the problem is that i love to just eat cheese all by itself, or in slices with apples and peanut butter, 'cause i'm a six year old like that. but maybe i'll grow out of that soon. i hear 27 year olds have much more sophisticated tastes.

You know, if someone were to plan a potluck-type event and invite me, I could be persuaded to make and bring a batch of Katie's lasagna for the general public's tasting enjoyment. Mmmm. Lasagna.