February 26, 2007

Your Sunday night tragic realization

Coconut milk, banana, and pineapple chunks do not a delicious smoothie make. I know they sound like they would. Nor does adding a little bit of frozen orange juice remedy the problem. It remains sickeningly greasy until you add enough orange juice and frozen strawberries to drown out the coconut. And then, for preference, give it to an unsuspecting housemate and run away.

Also, other people's speech habits are rubbing off on me to an alarming degree right now. I have, of course, long since picked up the Kingman disease of unnecessarily prefacing entirely factual statements with "I feel like": I feel like this is a lot of hummus, I feel like we just listened to this song two minutes ago, I feel like I'm almost done with my workshift. Some of the other things I'm acquiring are starting to disturb me, though. On the way back from Santa Cruz, as I sat outside a coffee shop with my friend's golden retriever, I found myself explaining to some admiring passersby that he was a nice dogman. I recently thanked Lisa for checking in with me. At work on Friday, when my boss asked me if I had a plan for something, I assured her that I was scheming.

If you recognize yourself in any of these things, you can even out the exchange by talking more like me. Stutter, argue, get frustrated and announce that you just can't explain whatever it was you were trying to say, and most importantly, call at least one person a motherfucker this week. Thanks.


Posted by dianna at February 26, 2007 12:57 AM

Is calling someone a motherfucker the nice way?

Posted by: Jacob at February 26, 2007 08:35 AM

I really don't think that's the nice way. Is it, friend?

Posted by: Dianna at February 26, 2007 09:50 AM