October 25, 2003

V. hot, with extra flies.

It occurs to me today that I've been needing, and looking for, a job throughout the months of August, September and now nearly all of October. I have a sneaking suspicion that July may have contained a small amount of job-searching as well.

No jobs are yet in sight, thanks to the failures of my various potential employers to, respectively, answer my applications, answer my phone calls, perform the interviews they requested with me, hire me after a stunningly great interview, have correct and findable contact information, and actually have the job openings they were alleged to have. I heap shame and opprobrium upon them. Disclaimer: Any failures on my part are not to be considered the business of Snoqualmie to verify or report.

Today my thoughts have turned to a new line of work-related fantasy, which is: bartending. To be specific, my brilliant plan is to become employed as a bartender at one of the Bay Area's many lesbian bars and rake in the money while spending my working hours ogling and intoxicating attractive women (or, possibly, ogling intoxicatingly attractive women). From where I'm standing I see no possible way for this to have anything other than a wonderful outcome-- in fact I can see nothing at all except a sea of spiked hair, tattoos, and wife-beater tank tops. And I can hear nothing at all, because I'm desperately plugging my ears to block out the sound of the voice of Jacobian reason. It's standing behind me speaking in doleful tones about the regrettable lack of expertise and bartending-school-tuition with which I am revealed to be plagued.

Curses. Posted by dianna at October 25, 2003 07:37 PM


don't listen to the voice, dianna! i will fund your bartending school fees, as i'm sure would a host of your other friends who would consequently receive free drinks while also ogling intoxicted, attractive women, no?

p.s. welcome to cementhorizon! which doesn't make much sense, since really you've been here with us all along. sniff. now i'm getting all sentimental. no, wait, no i'm not! i'm just allergic to the lack of lesbian bar tending you're doing! get to steppin', girlie!!

Posted by: erica at October 25, 2003 08:48 PM

it's only like $200 to go to bartending school! my brother did it. though he never worked as a bartender a day in his life. but you could do it, dianna. i have faith in you. you could go all tom cruise risky business on those bottles. that's not the right movie is it? curses. fie, and fie again.

Posted by: michele at October 25, 2003 09:25 PM

p.s. i admittedly only starting searching for jobs at the end of august, but still i feel your pain. maybe i should go to bartending school with you. but i feel the circus still has more promise. and i have an interview with them already. plus i do not have to take a $200 class to work with them. though i should. i should. i would pay $200 for a course on the high trapeze.

Posted by: michele at October 25, 2003 09:31 PM

I say absolutely do it, Dianna. Doleful Jacobian reasoning be damned. You'll be the hottest lesbian bar bartender ever. It'll be grand.

And three cheers for your new weblog! Hoorah. (repeat twice)

Posted by: kati at October 25, 2003 11:30 PM

I don't know you, Dianna. We share a friend or two, no doubt. But I must - MUST - take this opportunity to say: don't be seduced by bartending!!! It's a nice career to have for a few years, but it's so easy and fun that it sucks you in. 10 years later, you realize you've been slinging liquor for a living! You may as well be a coke dealer (except it's less addictive). You want to quit, but you've been bartending for so long that it's all you remember how to do, plus where else are you going to make that kind of money for such mindless work? It's a vicious circle, I tell you. Vicious.
You would definetly get laid a lot, tho.

Posted by: robyn at October 26, 2003 01:05 AM

Ok, ok, I have a few things to address here. First off, I'm pretty sure that you do NOT need to attend bartending school to be a bartender. I have known many a bartender who never went and just learned on the job. Conversly, I have known at least 2 ppl who went to bartending school and then failed to land actual bartending jobs. The important thing to remember about the bartending industry is that it's all about the looks - and you gottem baby... you don't need a $200 liquor slinging certificate for that!

Secondly, once you do become a bartender for some lesbianic establishment, I am less concerned about the free drinks, and more concerned with the hotness by association. As Robyn pointed out, bartenders get all the booty - and as long as you are willing to pass along some of the hotness that you can't handle on your own to your well deserving friends, I fully support you in your new career ambitions.

Posted by: Jolie at October 26, 2003 09:24 AM