3-21-2004
World, Inc. has an immediate opening in its Bay Area department for a qualified Dianna. This is a permanent, full-time position-- serious applicants only. Hours are 12 a.m. to 12 a.m., Monday through Sunday.
Job duties include, but are not limited to:
-Walking
-Breathing
-Eating
-Talking (negotiable)
-Sleeping (not negotiable)
-Gardening
-Baking
-Arts and crafts
-Sudden brilliant ideas
-Flights of fancy
-Marathon Poppit! sessions
The ideal candidate will possess the following qualifications:
-More talent than skill, and more inspiration than talent
-The ability to see a project through to exactly 55% completion and then abandon it forever
-Self-righteousness
-Short temper
-Extremely frequent desire to nap
-Avoidant personality with some social phobia
-Tendency to think in verbose and highly organized internet posts
-Dazzling problem-solving skills and a distinct reluctance to employ them
-Patience for highly repetitive tasks involving colored balloons
-Ability to inhabit something other than present reality 85% of the time
-At least 22 years recent experience in the field; 22.88 years experience preferred
Benefits include:
-Health
-Vision
-Casual working environment with excellent co-worker relationships
-Comfortable bed (see above)
-Free vegetables during summer months
-Guaranteed lifetime job security