I've been meaning to get a bikini. I spend too much time fully clothed for a bask-happy girl with a tattoo to show off, and I believe that the ability to be effectively naked but technically decent will help remedy this situation. (Last year's sewing experiment, the plaid flannel bikini, fails marginally to meet the technically-decent requirement on account of inappropriate hemming allowances.)
Now since this is one of the few categories of things which I will not seek first at a thrift store, and I'll spend more than $25 on a piece of summer clothing when the sun turns black and dogs and cats live together, this really only leaves Target. That's where I went today, courtesy of a spiffy four-day holiday weekend from work. I grabbed a bunch of the least objectionable tops and bottoms I could find, tried them on, and was struck by the following inescapable truths.
As any reasonable person would do in my situation, I got indignant. How can they not carry my size at all? I huffed. These tops are all made for people with boobs! Don't they realize they have a customer with the chest of a twelve... year... old... girl? Huh.
I wandered over into the little girls' section and poked through the rack of tiny swimsuits. The bottoms, I thought, will definitely be too small, but maybe the tops will work. I found something in a girls' extra-large and wandered back to the dressing room with it. I tried on the top.
It fit fine. It wasn't padded out to here and didn't hang off me.
Since that was almost too easy, I tried on the bottoms.
They fit fine. They weren't scooped up to there and didn't have any weird little sashes or rosettes on them.
$12. One classic blue Hawaiian-print bikini, the likes of which couldn't be found for love nor money in the women's section. Ass: covered. Boobs: covered. Weird little sashes and rosettes: none. I've decided to bake a cake for my chest, to show it how much I appreciate it making all this possible. At this point I'm not sure if I should reassure you that that won't be the cake I bring to 4th of July, or if I should assure you that it will be, so if you have thoughts on the matter you should feel free to share them.Posted by dianna at July 1, 2005 06:33 PM