My search for things to put on my feet has finally yielded a satisfactory result: I have become a Pacific Northwest dork in high-tech ergonomic dork shoes. They're actually pretty adorable for high-tech ergonomic dork shoes, and respectable enough to wear to work (although why I worry about that when even the Monday morning downtown types are wearing Keens with their suits, I don't know). They're also incredibly comfortable, which raises the following question:
If I was genuinely startled to catch a pair of cute women's shoes being comfy, which I was, then what the fuck are all the other shoe companies doing? It's not like I go around wearing towering pumps and pointy winkle pickers here; if I'm unaccustomed to comfiness in shoes it means toe-squeezing demons have infiltrated even the stompy-parachute-boot and recycled-hemp-moccasin market sectors.
New awesome shoes: Your feet go up right about here, and down here and here. We, too, go up here and down there and there. You will find this nice.
Old not awesome shoes: We think flat is a good shape for feet. Yours will adapt eventually. Onetwothreenotresponsibleforfallenarches!
New awesome shoes: Sidewalks are kind of hard. We think it might help if we were a little bit springy. Just enough so your heels don't hurt, okay?
Old not awesome shoes: If you want springy, you can develop a springy walk. This is not our problem.
New awesome shoes: We don't weigh much. You need to be able to ride a bike and and to sprint up the stairs to grab your jacket when you're late for the train and to surreptitiously dance to David Bowie when nobody's looking.
Old not awesome boots in particular: Five pounds. Not kidding. Five fucking pounds. You may as well just wear ankle weights all the time.
New awesome shoes: We have a neat little buckle strap that doesn't seem too breakable.
Old not awesome moccasins in particular: We have an attractive button fastening that turns out to be entirely decorative and secured by little loops of elastic thread that snap if subjected to too much stress.
New awesome shoes: Just go ahead and kick us off when you want to be barefoot. Won't take a second.
Old not awesome boots: Hahahahahahaha! Haaahahaha. You've got to be kidding me.
I find it worrying to contemplate the idea that something essentially functional in nature and kind of necessary on a daily basis could even make it to production if it failed basic tests like not making you hurt and not falling apart after you spent a bunch of money on it. I recognize that shoes are hardly the only offenders here -- women's underthings come to mind, for instance -- but, not to put too fine a point on it, you don't have to walk on your bra. It's slightly harder if you get frustrated with painful shoes to take them off and burn them.
Unless you get the ones that make your feet catch on fire, anyway.Posted by dianna at March 7, 2008 11:01 AM