April 07, 2004

Commandments for today:

1. Thou shalt not back Jacob's car out of the driveway to get thy car out and then repark it on top of my tomato-protecting fence, knocking said fence over.

2. Thou shalt not stand on top of my onions while using a weed-whacker on the growth in the middle of the divided driveway.

3. Thou shalt damn well acknowledge my makeshift fences as boundaries that mean, "do not step over here" and consequently not step over there.

4. Yes, that includes stepping ON the fence.

5. Thou shalt, if stepping forward to hear what thy supervisor is telling thee about the weeds in the side yard, bloody well not step onto my chickpea plants in the process.

6. Is that so hard?

7. Thou shalt also not rip my kale plants out of the ground with high-powered leaf blowers. Thou canst damn well leave the grass clippings on top of my plants instead of adding insult to injury. Thank you... er, thee.

I'm having a horrifically bad garden day. First the roommate, then the landscaping service hired by the landlord. I definitely appreciate Chris spending the money to have the landscapers mow the lawn and hack away at our standing army of weeds, however, I'll be lucky to have any vegetables left by the time they leave. Are Wednesdays going to turn into stressful days of watching my beloved plants destroyed on a weekly basis? Stay tuned.

Posted by dianna at April 7, 2004 12:50 PM

two (ok, three) questions:

1) If, in the course of leaping OVER the garden, I should inadvertently graze one of the fences, then would that be a sin?

2) Where do vegetables go when they die as the result of careless groundskeepers? Will my turnips be in heaven when I get there?

Posted by: Erik at April 7, 2004 04:17 PM

man, i hope not. turnips aren't my idea of heaven.

Posted by: michele at April 7, 2004 04:49 PM

1. Yes, it would be a sin. That's because there are clear walkways around the vegetables that allow for easy walking without running into any fences, so your leaping would clearly be a flippant show of disregard for vegetable life. It's also because the fences are fragile (string wrapped around sticks, pretty much) and so grazing them causes them to fall down onto the plants. It's a problem.

2. There had just better be a vegetable heaven. If not, the landscapers have just done their karma some serious damage. How's that for mixed religious metaphors?

3. My Canadian roommate told me a story a while ago about getting drunk with a bunch of engineers from Alberta and discovering the masochistic and horrible things they do for fun (while drunk, at least). Namely, turnip bowling. You set up a bunch of bottles ninepins-style, try to roll a raw turnip to knock them over, and if you miss you have to take bites out of the turnip which is hard, nasty-tasting, and now dirty from being rolled across the floor. GROSS.

Posted by: dianna at April 7, 2004 05:01 PM

engineers ought to be kept far away from alcohol, none of them can handle it.

Posted by: Erik at April 7, 2004 05:17 PM

At least not without losing 4-hour periods of their evening.

Posted by: dianna at April 7, 2004 05:19 PM

Anyway, I've heard that trying to keep Canadians (engineers or not) away from alcohol is dangerous and should only be done with the benefit of protective gear and extensive safety training.

Posted by: dianna at April 7, 2004 05:20 PM

and you should be a mountie. because then you have a horse, a hat, and the title "mountie" to enforce your authority.

Posted by: michele at April 7, 2004 05:24 PM

Why are you bringing more kale into the world?

Posted by: jason S at April 7, 2004 05:39 PM

Well, you see, the mommy and daddy kale loved each other very much, so they decided that they wanted to make some baby kale of their own to love and care for.

Because kale is delicious, that's why. I'm making some of it into a tasty salad as we speak, soon to find its way into my mouth via pita sandwiches and tortilla wrappy things. Yum.

Posted by: dianna at April 7, 2004 07:00 PM

I hesitate to....

Posted by: Charlton Heston at April 7, 2004 07:56 PM

Thou shalt not hesitate!

Posted by: Moltar at April 7, 2004 07:59 PM

*blink blink*

Posted by: Zorak at April 7, 2004 09:15 PM

oh christ. in my spam deleting zeal you are all starting to look like spam to me. charlton heston? spam or for real? i hesitate to judge. i have become a spastic, or anyway i remain one.

Posted by: didofoot at April 7, 2004 09:42 PM

Thou shalt not hesitate to judge!

Don't you go deleting my page's precious SG:C2C references, missy. I want to see them smiling back at me when I wake up tomorrow morning.

Posted by: Zorak at April 8, 2004 12:13 AM

Er, yes. I second that.

Posted by: Dianna at April 8, 2004 12:19 AM

ok, but if you leave a suspiciously vague comment inviting me to check out your beefaghetti website then mister you are OUT of here.

Posted by: didofoot at April 8, 2004 10:02 AM


Posted by: Beefaroni at April 8, 2004 10:48 AM