November 11, 2004

Thursday: a return to suck.

This morning found my umbrella as determined to remain hidden as did yesterday. Jacob and I searched the house with flashlights and found a small but respectable menagerie of hidden kittens and dust bunnies, but no umbrella. I eventually stormed out of the house dorkily beponchoed, a fact for which I was grudgingly grateful when I discovered that, indeed, the cats and dogs that were raining all over me in the Mission District yesterday were waiting there to rain on me again today. My hair got drenched, my pantslegs got soaked, my sleeves stayed damp until 3:30, but my torso stayed dry.

So, indeed, did my feet, no thanks to five pairs of brand-new sturdy crew socks which apparently panicked this morning and flung themselves headlong into the same hole in spacetime as did my umbrella. Systematic excavation this afternoon revealed both socks and umbrella inexplicably buried under several strata of yarn and fabric in my crafts bag. Analysts are bewildered, but hope to offer an explanation later this winter, after some further study.

Our pigtailed upstairs neighbor has to kick out her roommate and his puppy for reasons of unresolvable creepiness. My family's Thanksgiving plans have just gone haywire, and my grandfather may have cancer. This concludes our Suck of the Union address. Thank you.

Posted by dianna at November 11, 2004 06:37 PM

Obviously, some of the suck I know about, but why does the puppy have to go? Was it the puppy's unresolvable creepiness? If it was the owner's, can the puppy stay?

"Beponchoed": nod, as they say.

Posted by: katie at November 11, 2004 10:24 PM

It was the owner's unresolvable creepiness. If you're male (as said roommate is) you should know that having a crush on my pigtailed upstairs neighbor is not going to get you anywhere. That's fine. If you keep bringing it up, and pigtailed upstairs neighbor has laid down the law about it being inappropriate and making her uncomfortable, and you KEEP bringing it up and asking her what she'd do if you started hitting on her, and now she's afraid to come home at night until her other roommate is around to run interference, then that's very much NOT fine and you will be strongly encouraged to find pressing residential business elsewhere.

Pigtailed upstairs neighbor (why do I love that phrase so much?), for the record, is reluctant to demand his moving out for the sole reason that she doesn't want the puppy to have to leave. It's kind of heart-rending, really.

Posted by: Dianna at November 11, 2004 10:38 PM

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your 'return to suck,' but I think that it is further evidence of my theory of Conservation of Suck. After weeks of excessively long hours and a frustrating lack of progress at work, I just had a serious breakthrough and, thus, a return *from* suck. But, as this was such a huge suck (note: I wrote 'suck a huge suck' originally, which is just silly...), there had to be a reckoning. When I came back to the office I found it in shambles (figuratively). Seriously high SQ (suck-quotient: total suck divided by number of people experiencing the suck). And now your post. See, the problem with suck, I believe, is that it is fully conserved in the form of pure suck (i.e. there is no suck heat which can boil off the suck, leading to the eventual Suck Death of the Universe, where everything in the universe is universally sucky). Instead, the suck is transferred from one to another in its entirety in the form of Suckons, which appear to defy all limits on electromagnetic or particulate movement. Fascinating.

Suck sucks! (though using the word 'suck,' or some derivative thereof, 21 times in a blog comment has made my morning)

Posted by: Erik at November 12, 2004 07:38 AM

hey! you and jacob should come to my parents house for thanksgiving then! gene and brian (hopefully brian, anyway) are. and we can veganize many dishes for your gastronomical enjoyment.

Posted by: didofoot at November 12, 2004 08:11 AM

but...i can't help you with your grandfather. i'm sorry to hear it though. in my thanksgiving excitement i skipped right over that part the first time.

Posted by: didofoot at November 12, 2004 08:23 AM

Not if there's going to be a baby in the oven! If your last Thanksgiving stories hadn't been teetering on the verge of a dietary-choices flamefest they would have made me cry for sure.

Posted by: Dianna at November 12, 2004 10:15 AM