February 14, 2005

I do not accept excuses! I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant.

The crowning glory of my sewing this weekend (and probably the crowning glory of my sewing life so far) was a surpassingly complicated skirt from a slapdash homemade pattern. It had three pieces, two darts, one pleat, and a zipper, and it fell loosely -- around here we cling, we do not stretch -- to just below the knee. It was based on the pattern of my absolute all-time favorite soft, comfy, versatile grey skirt, but in a cream-and-black hound's-tooth check that Jacob said made his eyes hurt. Scavenged from the remnants bin at Discount Fabrics, that stuff was, and the thirty-something punk chick working the counter was jealous that I'd found it before she did. I wore the finished skirt on Saturday and a woman I'd never met complimented me on it as she walked past me.

Can you tell by the past tense here that something is wrong? I washed it on Sunday night. Yes, the wash. The bane of my existence for all periods of my life except when I routinely wore flood pants. That motherfucker shrank my beautiful perfect skirt to fully two inches above the knee. Now I have a short pleated skirt and the following options.

1. With boots: cowgirl!
2. With sneakers: cheerleader!
3. With a blazer and mary janes: Catholic schoolgirl!

I really can't be having with any of these things. The only option I can see myself living with is to take the pleat out, shorten it another four inches and wear it with stilettos, stockings, a severe long-sleeved blouse and reading glasses on a chain. Then I'll sue Maytag for sexual harassment for trying to force me into a career as a dominatrix. Maybe the settlement money can buy me another yard and a half of fabric so I can try this again.

Posted by dianna at February 14, 2005 10:44 AM

no, no, now i hear what you're saying, but i'm still going to have to insist: cowgirl!


Posted by: michele at February 14, 2005 11:03 AM

I need a denim shirt to wear on top, though, I think. Or a little t-shirt and a denim jacket, at least. Cowboy hat? Pigtail braids?

I'm really tempted to collect this stuff and take pictures, to be honest.

Posted by: Dianna at February 14, 2005 11:07 AM

and i am taunted by this flagrant promise which will never actualize into pictures.

Posted by: michele at February 14, 2005 12:08 PM

You have the power to make it not only actualize into pictures, but present itself to you in real life. Throw some kind of costume party and I will show up in all the aforementioned gear. That's a promise.

Posted by: Dianna at February 14, 2005 12:56 PM

ummm, that's like work. i just threw a costume party. maybe it's YOUR turn.

Posted by: michele at February 14, 2005 01:08 PM

Work? If you tell me, "Five people are coming over to my house to watch a movie and do absolutely nothing else, and I'm not providing food or anything, and you have to come in costume," I'll do it. No excuses about work.

Maybe I could be induced to have a costume board-game night or something. Really, that's the extent of my party-hosting, though.

Posted by: Dianna at February 14, 2005 01:24 PM

i'd prob have to like, i don't know, clean the house. or sift poop out of the cat box. or something. that's like work.

kristen/gene, have a costume board-night.

(i like to delegate).

Posted by: michele at February 14, 2005 01:45 PM

But have it in the East Bay.

Posted by: Dianna at February 14, 2005 01:49 PM

i'd just like to interject that it still cracks me up that shrinking to 2 inches above the knee instantly renders a skirt "for porn wear only." quelle scandale!

maybe you should get big tattoos on your gams. then you could flaunt flaunt flaunt.

Posted by: katie at February 14, 2005 09:44 PM

i concur. wear it missy! (and take pictures with various costumes too)

Posted by: marina at February 14, 2005 10:15 PM

You know, I was actually thinking about extending my back tattoo plan to trail down/around one or both of my legs. I don't know. I guess it could be a bit much, but doesn't it sound kind of cool?

You've heard of the fingertip test, right? The one that strict nuns inflict on hapless Catholic schoolgirls to keep them dressing decently? Well, fingertip length is at least three inches too short for me. Maybe four. I make nuns look permissive!

Posted by: Dianna at February 15, 2005 09:47 AM

Anyway, big-sister-o'-mine, I can't remember the last time I saw you in a skirt that didn't come down to the knee. Hmph.

Posted by: Dianna at February 15, 2005 12:43 PM

haha, i was thinking about the fingertip test. i was thinking that i didn't recall you having abnormally long arms, but...

hey, when's the last time anyone saw me in a skirt, period? last summer?

Posted by: katie at February 15, 2005 10:01 PM

Probably. Are you too butch lately to enjoy the skirty things in life? On yourself, I mean, not on other people. Or on other people's floors. *leer*

Er, excuse me. That leer wasn't supposed to be part of this comment. I was just asking if I should amend my plans to make you try dresses on at thrift stores. Let's just say I should before I start leering again.

Posted by: Dianna at February 15, 2005 10:15 PM

oh, i have not lost my appreciation for the skirts. in one sense, i guess, anyway.

"I was sitting in my office thinking about the six slugs inside me. Two were lodged near my spine. They came from a .44. The others were rattling around my liver. I was pretty sure they came from the bottle of bourbon in my desk, but when I took it out to check, it came up empty. That's when my door opened and the skirt walked in on a pair of legs as long as the night I spent chasing Mickey Bigmouth over the rooftops of the old distillery. She was as tall as the drink I'd had to steady my nerves that night, but her eyes were as mean as the next morning had been - the parts of it I remembered, at least."

but yeah, i'm not sure about purchasing dresses. i think i'm in too much of a butchy phase. what i really want is a goddamn 3-piece suit.

Posted by: katie at February 16, 2005 01:30 PM

BRILLIANT. Dude, you don't write fiction why?

I need to look up that company making men's clothing in women's sizes. I wish I'd tracked down the article before it got buried in the SFGate archives, though, because now I don't even remember when I saw it. This makes things much harder.

Posted by: Dianna at February 16, 2005 01:56 PM

i think i have way more fun playing around with genre and making fun of other writers' styles, honestly. i'd kind of love to do the pratchett thing.

i found the company (office hours = time-wasty time!). they're called STUDDED. they don't have much out yet - just shirts and pants - but they apparently have a spring collection coming out. i want to email them and ask if they'll do suits. pricey though.

Posted by: katie at February 16, 2005 03:22 PM

katie sucks at html.


Posted by: katie at February 16, 2005 03:26 PM

I'm impressed by the way you made that the color of a link, with the right underline, and yet not only is it not the link you meant to make, it's not a link at all. I'm gonna have to look and see how you did that. It should have been much harder than just making the link (edit: okay, I guess not).

Also, I don't care what you write, just write. Satirize your heart out if you so desire, but in the name of mercy let me read it!

Posted by: Dianna at February 16, 2005 03:56 PM