November 02, 2004

Qwx: Lovey dovey.

More pigeons today. This time they were the reddish ones, and they trailed behind me on 24th Street. The males gazed at the bay with pained looks, while the females wept quietly into dainty lace handkerchiefs. They walked slowly, sorrowfully, each bird lost in its own thoughts. I felt bad for them; it was such a beautiful sunny day that their grief seemed both ironic and out of place. But what could a stranger possibly say to them to ease their pain? So I only tipped my hat and greeted them politely. "Mourning, doves."

I'm so nervous about the election today that I don't know what to do with myself. I've already done my bit; I voted by mail. That means I don't have anything useful to do today except politely tell last-minute campaigners that it's no use handing me flyers. I can also chew my nails and worry, I suppose. I'm good at that. What if good guys win? What if all the stuff I voted for passes? What if everything goes all wrong? What if tomorrow it really is Dick Cheney menacing people with a scythe outside 24th St. BART station instead of just a guy in a mask and glasses? I looked suspiciously at everyone I passed on the way to work this morning. Did she vote? Did he vote? Is she going to vote? Oh god... what if he doesn't vote?

I wonder if this would be a good time to get religion. I'll be accepting suggestions for likely denominations until 12:00 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, at which point I'll make a selection and pray like mad to the appropriate power until the polls close.

Posted by dianna at November 2, 2004 10:16 AM

i'd go with christianity, only because that's the religion that andrea seems to subscribe to, and andrea's god gives her whatever she wants, like a free dress suit from Ross.

Posted by: erica at November 2, 2004 01:58 PM

Andrea's god is also known as stealing. I say cut out the middle man and just become a clepto. It's funny... I've never thought about it, but Michele and Andrea seem to go to the same church. Fascinating.

According to Andrea, god did land her (and Erica and Tristan) a sweet ass apartment. So if you are in need of shelter anytime soon, Andrea's god may very well be the way to go.

Posted by: Jolie at November 2, 2004 02:11 PM

stealing? it's called "divine intervention". have a little faith, jolie. depending on what store you feel called to shop at, you could be rewarded with a free CD, free shoes, or a free baby jesus buttplug! the possibilities are endless! join us now! salvation (and free stuff) awaits!

Posted by: erica at November 2, 2004 03:54 PM

free baby jesus buttplugs!!! I've never heard of a better reason to find faith.

Dianna, I don't know if this helps your journey at all, but I'm sold (or is that stolen?).

Posted by: Jolie at November 2, 2004 04:06 PM

Jesus? Aw, shove it up your ass.

Hee hee.

Posted by: Dianna at November 2, 2004 04:11 PM

mourning, doves = fantastic.

the guy behind me in history was loudly telling anyone who'd listen about the prayer he and his mom said this morning for bush to lose.

you know who is my favorite character in this election? starchild. (this is for you california voters.)

Posted by: didofoot at November 2, 2004 05:48 PM

Scientology. By the time you figure out what the hell you're supposed to believe, you'll be thirty-nine and re-reading Battlefield Earth for the ninth time.

Since neither candidate has a position on alien overlords who imprison the souls of dissidents in crystals, your stress level (well, about earthpolitik, not the overlords) will be greatly reduced.

Then you can learn Klypto math!!!

I'm seriously not kidding; everything I wrote above can be found in L. Ron Hubbard's writings somewhere.

Posted by: poot at November 2, 2004 08:21 PM

Sweet. What's Scientology's position on divine (or alien overlord) intervention to retroactively change the results of an election? That's what I need right now.

Posted by: Dianna at November 2, 2004 10:49 PM