March 10, 2005


It's hard not to feel a little bit sorry (through the irritation, of course) for anyone holding a job in sales. I always have to wonder if they stepped out of college or dot-com employment and found themselves being aggressively recruited with promises of fantastic salaries and exciting travel, only to be given a heavy bag of samples and sent walking around Noe Valley to try to sell them to people who don't want to buy them. It's got to be frustrating to be them and know that really, your stuff is exactly the same as your competitor's stuff, but you're still going to get turned away by the receptionist because she doesn't feel like explaining to her boss why they should switch. Damn girl's only your age, anyway, so how did she get the desk job and you're hauling around the shoulder bag of crap? Life's not fair.

But if you want to get a brusque, irritable rejection instead of the usual polite and apologetic one, a good way to make it happen is to grab the handle on the front door and pull it, hard, despite the sign saying "push" and the fact that it's already slightly open in the inward direction. It'll slam against the other door, making a noise like a gunshot and making a few more chips of paint flake off around the point of impact. Then, walk in grinning and ask me if I noticed how in fact you actually pulled the door when it even said to push it. When I sigh and tell you that an awful lot of people do the exact same thing, continue to beat the horse by repeating that the sign said to push and you pulled, and didn't I just love that? Yes. I adored it. Get the fuck out of my office, you irresistible man you.

This is a perfect opportunity to share the wonderful piece of information which I acquired yesterday. My Sanskrit book, in explaining when to use a noun in the accusative form, included the helpful example of a word which means "a curse upon [blank]". When using a noun or pronoun with this word, it's necessary to put the noun or pronoun into the accusative form. Well, screw the grammatical lesson, actually, because the word itself is much more exciting. You see, it's pronounced "dhik".

Dhik tvam = a curse upon you (singular).
Dhik yuyam = a curse upon all of you!

I need to check that second one again, because I was so excited about dhik that my attention to the proper pronoun forms was sort of scanty, but I'm sure you understand. Dhik has that effect on people.

Posted by dianna at March 10, 2005 11:06 AM

Dhik! Dhik yuyam!

That is possibly the most delightful dhik I have ever encountered. It's even better than my previously favorite curse, which appeared as an intonation in some (Egyptian?) romance that a bunch of my colleagues read for a seminar: "Bread of my buttocks, bread of my buttocks be gone!"

Posted by: katie at March 11, 2005 03:44 PM

And anyway, calling down dhik upon someone like that is definitely a curse.

Lady, don't piss me off, or I'll whip out my dhik on you.

Posted by: katie at March 11, 2005 03:46 PM

Oh! I was wrong about dhik. Well, I was right about dhik but wrong about the pronoun. If you want to wish dhik on three or more people it should actually be "dhik yusman". Jeez, Dianna, get your dhik together.

Posted by: Dianna at March 11, 2005 04:02 PM